does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
