He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
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