So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
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