Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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