I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Randomize
