I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Randomize
