Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
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