Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
I understand Curling. That high.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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