She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
