If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
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