Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
