That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Randomize
