ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
