My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
