Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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