I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
