i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
