Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
