I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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