Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
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