please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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