So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Randomize
