Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
