she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Are we still banned from the library?
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize