when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
My penis needs a shock collar
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
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