I think I won the penis lottery.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Randomize
