I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
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