she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
