i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
