Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
