please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
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