found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
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