dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
