i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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