so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize