my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
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