she woke up with a sticky ear
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize
