I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
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