i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
