Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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