Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
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