does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
