im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
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