I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
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