Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
