Well douche your snatch and let's go!
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
