I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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