I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize
