I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Randomize
