There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
