I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
