Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Randomize
