Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Randomize
