you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
