there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
