guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
Randomize
