hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
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