So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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