brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Randomize
