Whats the glycemic index on semen?
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
