once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
What a dumb baby whore.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
