I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
