btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Randomize
