Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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