Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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