I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
