yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
