Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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