low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
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