Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
