If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
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